Plastic Pressure

Hi everyone,
Im new here, came in search of support, somewhere to recharge my emotional batteries and hopefully some answers.
I've got 3 children, 2 boys (6 & 16) Ive recently had a baby, shes 5 weeks old, my first daughter and for the first time ive managed to persist with breastfeeding despite a pretty painful and rocky start. Ive been determined to breastfeed her because both my children suffered severe eczema when they went onto formula. My youngest especially has it worse and has multiple food allergies too.
My problem is im getting no support from either my partner (he's an only child) or his mother who constantly say i should express milk so they can feed her. Im also being asked when am i going to give her a dummy. Neither of these two i want to do, so far ive managed to stick to my guns but im finding its causing tension in my relationship. Its my partners first and only child, his mothers first and only grandchild. His mother can be very...how can i put this diplomatically...RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!! (or in his eyes).
Im starting to feel like they think im somehow taking away something special from them but ive explained theres still plenty more ways they can bond with her.

How can i resolve this, its starting to wear me out now, ive tried talking to my partner but he feels like its an attack on his mother and i cant seem to make him understand where im coming from either. I havent expressed so far because ive not needed to, im on maternity leave from work for a year and i havent had to leave her long enough to warrant someone else giving her a feed. Am i being selfish?? Im also worried if she has a bottle she might not want my breast again, wouldnt it confuse her??
Instead of me feeling proud of myself for breastfeeding, im staring to feel alienated

Sorry if ive waffled on.

first of all and well done for sticking up for what you want, its hard for alot of people when feeling vulnerable (pregnant or just had baby)
youre right not to express just yet, your milk supply needs to establish itself and this takes at least 6weeks and youre right baby could get nipple confusion if bottles are introduced too soon.
i really dont know how to advise you on how to deal with your family apart from being firm and polite about how you intend to bring up YOUR child, explain to your partner that you can see his mother means well things have changed since he was a baby and you would like to do things your way and the best thing for his baby is what youre explaining, also write a list of other things they can do with her, nappy changing, cuddling, bathing etc although if youre anything like me its hard to give any of those away
the last thing you should feel is alienated (youre definately not going to be on here) and your man should really be putting you and baby first ( dont want to criticize or cause bad feeling just my opinion)
i also have every sympathy for you with the eczema and food allergies my son who is nearly 18 started with these when he was 6-8 mths and was very severely affected for the first 7 years of his life, he also has asthma though its eased off he still has outbreaks now
hope ive helped a little xx

Well done you for perservering!

I strongly suggest (if you haven't already) showing your partner articles, sites.. anything you can that talks about the benefits of breastfeeding and what an amazing thing you are doing for his child.

I am sure any man who realised what a wonderful thing you were doing for his offspring would be totally supportive.

Heres a few sites to get you started

http://breastfeeding.about.com/od/breastfeedingbasics/p/bmcontent.htm

http://www.sixtysecondparent.com/_webapp_334735/Five_amazing_ingredients_found_in_breast_milk

http://healthmad.com/women/15-amazing-facts-on-breast-milk-12-steps-to-breastfeeding-success-for-moms/


http://www.breastfeed.com/articles/issues-for-mom/the-third-wheel-2720/

http://www.easybabylife.com/bonding-with-baby.html

The babies nutrition is far more important than his mothers want to feed the baby, and quite frankly shes being selfish, did she breatfeed him?

The fact is unfortunatly if hes abit of a mummies boy you may have a little battle, but im sure you can talk him round!

xx

Thank You so much ladies.

Talking to my partner is pretty much pointless at the moment, ive already tried explaining the benefits of breastfeeding, he seems to understand this but just not the part about expressing so he and his mother can feed her...maybe i really need to change my status to me having 4 children

I had a very long and positive chat with the HV today, she came round for my mood assesment, couldnt have come at a better time.
Im deciding if i should compromise and express so my partner can give just one evening bottle each day and i can spend that additional time with just me and my youngest son, either doing homework, reading or just being together.
As for his mum, nothings going to change so i'll try my best to politely switch off mentallly when she comes round, Its not that often so i can give it a go. Or buy some earplugs

Awww hun

Just do what YOUR happy with.

As for the MIL well id invest in some earplugs

Well, i guess it's not going to be an issue anymore, looks like our relationship has ended

What?! Oh no whats happened?

oh no are you ok?

Thanks for your concern, really appreciate it

I think its just a case of the additional pressure taking it's toll. We had a heart-to-heart yesterday and i finally managed to get across my issues regarding feeding and his lack of support. We're back on.....for now.......just have to see what happens. Time will tell, im feeling ok today thankyou for asking and i wont be needing those blinking bottles i brought now either...she's breast all the way

very pleased for you

flyingfish wrote:Thanks for your concern, really appreciate it

I think its just a case of the additional pressure taking it's toll. We had a heart-to-heart yesterday and i finally managed to get across my issues regarding feeding and his lack of support. We're back on.....for now.......just have to see what happens. Time will tell, im feeling ok today thankyou for asking and i wont be needing those blinking bottles i brought now either...she's breast all the way

Oh thats brilliant news!